Category Archives: Depression

Life Update


In the last month, I didn’t get time to write or share anything here. It was initially due to ramzan. But now that ramzan is gone, I am still not getting enough time to get back to my past routine and that is because I have started my post-graduation training in Psychiatry. It’s been more than 3 weeks and Alhamdulillah, I am satisfied with my decision.

So here we have a weekly class on Psychology too. And today, the topic was Human figure drawing (hfd). It is a technique that is used by the psychologist to access the psychological or personality status of a person through drawing. Instead of teaching us this technique, she used it on us ūüėõ She gave us a paper to draw a human. We were a bunch of 8 people. After we completed, she evaluated our drawings and showed us how to do it. I didn’t like this idea much because she didn’t take care of our privacy and that too in a professional setup where people are already all set to judge you. Anyway when she came down to my drawing, it was a whirling dervish. She said that because I showed his back that indicates I am shy. She mentioned some more points and concluded that I need appreciation and may be I didn’t get it in the past so I have turned my back to the world. Talking about the positive point of my personality, she said that I am autonomous.

I don’t know if I agree with her but one thing is for sure that this technique can be very deceiving, without proper history or understanding I would say. As the context of the psychologist can change the entire situation, like a person who has no desire of the world due to; let’s say, sufism; could be taken as a person who is getting detached due to depression or failures. Or in other words, the interpretation is dependent. Even saying the right thing in another context, can change the status of a normal person to a person who is in need of the therapy.

However I do think that this technique can benefit in the situations where patients are not willing or comfortable in opening up in front of the psychiatrist. Overall, I enjoyed today’s class and I wish to know more about psychology because I believe, in the present psychiatry practice, we are relying almost completely on the medicines and don’t give as much attention to psychology.

And that is all about what’s going on in my life. I missed this place and I hope everybody is doing good ūüôā Love and blessings to everyone‚ô•

A new Beam of Light


Empty trees, dying sun,

Shattered hearts, misty eyes.

Rumi’s poems, a new beam of light.

©2017 Parus



You Yourself Become Illusion


I know this world; it never fulfills its promises.
You won’t find a real friend in the whole world.
Don’t go on gazing at that glided disk in the sky:
It has nothing inside it, not even a straw mat!

So many idiots swarm into the trap of this world
Like blind men who don’t have a stick to hand!

They worry for this world and tremble at its poverty.
Bizarre lunacy which nothing can ever cure!

It’s easy to credit the world’s beauty since it stays veiled.
In reality, it’s hideous old hag, without any allure.
Whoever submits to her witchcraft is like a serpent
Without feet, or hands, or intelligence, or religion.
What an absurd fate to give your life to this world!

It’s the fate of all those who don’t find the path to Him.
What is this copper full of dross, that forgets its copper-nature
And imagines that the philosophers stone doesn’t exist?

Because of a vain image, you yourself become illusion
And then all you can know is grief, anguish, and disaster.

Translations by Andrew Harvey

©2017 Parus

My Small World!


Whenever I need someone to stand with me and support me financially and morally, I only have my father’s back.

Whenever I want someone to love me unconditionally and to pray for me, I can only see my mother who wishes the best for me without any selfish motives.

Whenever I need a true friend who listens to my shit and accepts me as I am, not when it’s convenient for them but whenever I am in need, I can only think of my sisters.

Whenever I want someone to keep my secrets and I have no fear that it will be used as a gossip, I reach out to my brother.

My only friends other than my family are those who reminds me of Allah and helps me to get to the Light.

And I am thankful to Allah who gave me all these relationships. I have all of them because I have Him. Without Him, I have noone.

I saw no other relationships that want good for me without wanting something in return. For me no other relations are relations but time pass and human needs.

A Day in my Head!

Cover page of “A day in my Head”

Few months back, I decided to start a fight against depression because I know how devastating this one feeling can be. Yes, I believe that it’s more of a feeling than an illness. I reached my friends, who have fought or are still fighting with depression, but unfortunately no one came forward to help me in this cause. But as I believe, nothing good ever goes in vain, I met this gentleman, Aron Bennett, on twitter. He invited me to write for his global diary. A diary that was going to be all about mental problems, experiences of people who have successfully won this battle against their own minds and also about the feelings of those who are still fighting and are so amazing and brave that they are willing¬† to share their feelings with the whole world, just to support other people who are dealing with any sort of mental illness or problem. I was a bit hesitant about writing at first because personally I have never had any mental problem, apart from mood swings that includes depression too but not for more than a week or two, or a unique story to share with the world, but Aron was nice enough to let me share an entry as a doctor. Also English is not my first language but he was ok with it too so I submitted my entry on 6/16/2016, on depression ( I have my interest in psychiatry as my post-graduation field, for those who don’t know me). It takes me great pleasure to tell you that the e-book is now published and available on Amazon here. The amount generated by this book is going to charity, if I got it right. So please go and show some love to this gentleman and to everyone who decided to came forward and shared that private part of their heads. Let’s make this world a better place for each other. Love and spread love.

Talk to me Please!

Today is one of those days when I was feeling sad without any reason. Then I got to know one more doctor from my town has attempted suicide. He is the 4th one in these two or three months. I don’t know what is wrong with this world. It’s getting so difficult to stay alive these days and being alive and happy, that’s a rare combo. I don’t know why we are taking so much career pressure, job pressure or survival pressure on our shoulders? Don’t we need to remind ourselves that we have Allah to take care of us and our affairs?

I am so sad and I want to cry. And I want to help. I don’t know why but it hurts me when I see someone’s going through some mental problem. I feel the pain.I really do. Believe me. I can’t imagine the circumstances and the mental conditions of that person who decides to end up his life. It must have been so difficult.

I want to say to everyone who is in any kind of depression or thinking to end up his life, “Please don’t do this. You are loved. Talk to me or anyone near you but please don’t do this to yourself and to us. We need you. This world needs you. If you are unhappy with anything, make that thing better for you and for the world so that no one can ever find any reason to be sad. Make this world a better place to live. But please don’t say goodbye. Please”

Fight against Depression!


According to statistics, depression affects approximately 14.8 million American adults, or about 6.7 percent of the U.S population age 18 and older. But I believe everyone of us experience some sort of depression at some time in our lives. It’s only a feeling,¬†but unlike happiness, sadness, emptiness, joyness,¬† excitement; it is different and very dangerous. It can consume every aspect of our living.

So I decided to start a fight against depression. Here I will share your stories about anything and everything related to depression.

My dear ones, let’s fight against depression together.

Send in your stories at this email address;

I look forward to hearing from all of you soon.

Artwork by Eda Gecikmez

From berlin-artparasites